By Certified Q Coach Rev. Denese Schellink
There are times when peace of mind seems like such a distant reality and you come to realize that your only transportation option is a leap of faith.
As a Q Coach now of 2 years, I still get triggered. I say “still” because I was under the delusion that if I mastered this practice, I would no longer get triggered. There are fewer moments, yes. Progress, not perfection. The more difficult the situation, the more resistant I am to want to delve into it through the Q Process. Why? Because my mind defaults to an interpretation that claims the problem is outside of me.
Fortunately, I am encouraged to stay the course, when I remember the many times I and others have seen the amazing spiritual, emotional, and mental liberation that comes through trusting the process.
It takes a leap of faith to hazard the trepidation I feel when exploring the dungeon of my egoic painbody, to do the awareness work, and dissolve the painful story. And once I’ve made this courageous leap I am inevitably rewarded with a spacious freedom and a homecoming to my true heart. This is the pearl of great price, the emotional and mental freedom born of faith and the courage to look unflinchingly at the source of our suffering. And this pearl enriches with a greater sense of Compassion for self and others.
I had a powerful demonstration of this reversal during my training to become a Q Coach with Dr. Gary and Dr. Jane Simmons. One of my biggest triggers fired off when I received feedback on one of my coaching demonstrations. I experienced the feedback as criticism and promptly dropped into my shadow beliefs of I am not enough, I don’t matter, and I am inadequate.
Although a part of me recognized this situation as a pivotal moment for me to ask for support and not run, my ego shouted that this process was not for me. It argued that I needed an escape and did not want to look within. But I stayed for the remainder of the day’s work, not at all sure I would return the next day. So after a dark night of soul searching, I gathered enough courage to write to Dr. Gary and share my angst and questioning state.
Here is what I said:
I am struggling here trying to be present in my body in this moment and asking for a sign to keep doing this Q Process work, After your remarks today during the debriefing I did with …, I really got triggered. I felt disturbed, vulnerable, embarrassed and ashamed, I really want to do a worksheet on this because I know it will help, but I am also feeling disheartened, and dejected.
Because you had so many comments about my process, I am wondering if this is not a good match for me, Just looking for some hope I guess. Or maybe an early redirection. Even though I might be expressing from my Shadow card (inadequate), there is a part of me also on my Q Card which has courage and authenticity, which I am expressing right now,
In the question, Denese Schellink
And then came the profound heart-felt response from Dr. Gary Simmons:
Thank you for presencing your process and being very specific with respect to your experience with the debriefing process.
Having facilitated Q aCoaching training for the past 7 years, I can confidently tell you that I have the upmost respect for you and your ability to master this process. I absolutely see you as a Master Q Coach. This is a crossroads for many Q Coaches.
Our most exceptional Q Coaches have gone through similar challenges and have managed to get to the other side of things. My prayer and hope for you is that you will work through this seeming setback and truly come into ownership of your expertise and worth as a Q Coach.
Keep in mind that this is an unfolding that places you in relationship to your own internal disconnect. You have the integral qualities that translate into effective facilitation. Stay the course. You won't regret it. The program is challenging because the work has a greatness that can only be demonstrated by people like yourself that work through the difficulty to discover the pearl of great price.”
You are the embodiment of a Master Q Coach in the making.
Dr. Gary Simmons, 2014
I was so encouraged by these words of faith and courage. So I went to work to uncover the deeper truth in my painful experience.
In order to release this story, I began to see the thought forms that took place in my body/mind “I am not enough,” “I am inadequate,” I don’t matter.
I saw the actual letters fit inside a wavelike form, and I saw myself as a child. As these limiting beliefs began to enter into my body, I was aware of the wave of potential from which these particles emerged. Then I saw my great grandmother, who stood over me and energetically pulled these thought forms out of my head and just shook them into the nothingness from which they came, back into dust particles and I saw them float off in mid-air. And I could clearly see the field of potential from which these thought forms originated. And then I saw my Great Grandmother smile, my heart's confirmation of a greater love that had brought me to this peaceful loving place.
As I finished my Q worksheet, I knew with certainty what had caused my suffering and the choices my Higher Self had revealed to free my heart and bring me back to continue my training and show up fully. Each time I see how this Process frees me from my suffering I more easily embrace the courage to leap into the depths, because I know it will bring me safely home.